A Little Humor to Brighten Your Day
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, joined the Marine Corps. On his first day in basic training, the Marine Corps issued him a comb. That afternoon, the Marine Corps barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Marine Corps issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon, the Marine Corps dentist yanked four of his teeth. On the third day, the Marine Corps issued him a jock strap. The Marine Corps has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
A soldier serving far from home in Vietnam was heartbroken and upset when his girl wrote him a letter telling him she wanted to break off their engagement and asked for her photograph back. He then went out to his friends and collected all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back to her with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others.”
The Drill Sergeant had just chewed out one of his new recruits, and as he was walking away, he turned to the recruit and said: "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The recruit replied: "Not me, Sarge…no sir!
"I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another long line."
An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of itself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, ''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''
The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''
The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
The sergeant was on his way to the base. There is sailor in a blue Dodge pickup truck in front of him, going very slow. The sergeant noticed the truck was for sale. The number was on the back window. So he decided to call it.
Sergeant “ I’m calling about the blue Dodge pickup ”
Sailor “That's great, it’s for sale”
Sergeant “Does it run”
Sailor “Yes it does”
Sergeant “ Well step on the gas or get the heck out of my way”
The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning."
Soldier "Thank you very much, sir."
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure no problem, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, Sir!
An Army Sergeant and a Marine get into a head-on collision., airbags deploy and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Army Sergeant manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,....."Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Marine scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, ..... "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The Marine walks over to the Army Sergeant and says,...... "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals"
The Army Sergeant thinks for a moment and says, ...... "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck"
So the Army Sergeant pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels in a duffel bag, completely intact.
He says to the Marine, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship"
The Marine replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle, twists off the cap and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Marine hands it back to the Army Sergeant and says, "Your turn!"
The Army Sergeant twists the cap back on the bottle, hands the bottle to the Marine and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."